As much use as...

1. A one legged man in an arse kicking contest (from Python I think)


2. A chocolate teapot (trad.)


3. Milk shoes


4. A nuclear powered computer controlled intercontinental ballistic duck.


5. A one to one scale model of the starship Enterprise made out of honey.


6. A flammable fire extinguisher



7. A glass cricket bat



8. A gelignite suppository.



9. A coal powered frog-violin.


10. Granite sugar cubes

11. Pasta audio wire



12. A pastry telephone


13. Ice cream gloves


14. A sugar surf board


15. Spam windscreen wipers



16. A blind lifeguard


17. Wooden soap


18. Shortbread tires


19. A whipped-cream jet engine


20. A knitted light bulb


21. A plate-steel trampoline


22. An invisible traffic light


23. A string hook



24. A bread boat



25. Plasticine wire cutters


26. A neon pink secret door


27. Chocolate staples


28. A lead balloon


29. A paper hole punch


30. A water hat